It's not super funny, so don't get all excited and think that you can laugh at me :)
The last 6 months I have taken share in having custody of my nephew (who is now 14 months old). A dream of mine has always been to be a mom to kids. I love babies and little kiddos...what can I say? BUT, they turn into pre-teen and teenagers...SEE YA! (totally kidding here guys).
Anywhohow....
DJ has melted my heart from the first time I met him (which sadly was just this last December when he was 8 months old). I take full responsibility in teaching him to walk by the way! If any of you know my nephew, you know how easily he entraps you with those big, bright. and beautiful blue eyes. My favorite thing about DJ is and will always be (even if he is 16 and fights me on this one...) his massive cuddly hugs.
This little boy has so much to offer the world....Okay, I could go on for hours talking about the amazingness that is this Kid, but I shall stick to the point of my blog for today.
I was thinking today of how I would feel WHEN, not IF, DJ has to leave and go live somewhere else....This waiting game has been tough and slowly I have been preparing my heart to watch him leave so that the disappointment isn't so deep....but, what I was thinking about DJ leaving was this-will I be okay? Will HE be okay?
Then God started showing me something pretty amazing. In the last 3ish weeks, I have felt like my world has been crumbling down on top of me and I have not relied on Him like I need(ed) to. In my selfishness and pride AND in the middle of my BROKENESS, He gently showed me that the last 6 months I have been able to see the heart of God through DJ. Literally. I walk into the room, DJ giggles and his face lights up as he bounces on his chubby little legs waiting for me to pick him up-JUST LIKE God lights up and dances for joy as He waits for me to come running to Him and return His excitement with a smile and laughter.
The times I need to sit and spoon feed DJ, are the bonding moments we have as he ends up feeding me. DJ loves to be in my space as God loves to be in my space. When I am driving DJ to and from Daycare, we talk (well, he makes noises as I talk) and we sing. DJ loves singing to the songs on the radio. In these times I feel Gods peace and feel like I have the heart of a child again.
DJ and I love to cuddle together and Daddy in Heaven loves me to just crawl on His lap as He strokes my hair and tells me how much He loves me.
Granted, God isn't dependent on me for His survival, but the relationship principal is still existent as it is with DJ. How cool is it that when we do not see God around us in the present and we start to complain or get discouraged, He smiles down at us and turns us around so we can look at what He has done for us in our journey. DJ brings life to my eyes, a meaning to giggle, an opportunity to serve, an ability to bond, and a longing to love.
It is so cool to think that with how much I love DJ, and seek every opportunity to allow him to pour his infectious joyful self onto me, GOD LOVES ME even more and He looks forward to the times I allow myself to be poured into by Him. Oh!! God is soooo awesome. :)
I CAN'T WAIT TO BE A MOMMY...in a few years...and marriage....okay, okay, I CAN wait, BUT I am really looking forward to it.
So, while this isn't a deep spiritual post, it is something to think about...YOU are a child of the Living God, not a nephew or a niece, but an actual heir to the Kingdom of GOD! Don't run from His love.
Much love,
Stevie Rae
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