Heartbeat of a Baby

So I have a question. How many of you RECENTLY have had a "Duh!" moment? Yeah...Mine was today.

It's not super funny, so don't get all excited and think that you can laugh at me :)

The last 6 months I have taken share in having custody of my nephew (who is now 14 months old). A dream of mine has always been to be a mom to kids. I love babies and little kiddos...what can I say? BUT, they turn into pre-teen and teenagers...SEE YA! (totally kidding here guys).

Anywhohow....

DJ has melted my heart from the first time I met him (which sadly was just this last December when he was 8 months old). I take full responsibility in teaching him to walk by the way! If any of you know my nephew, you know how easily he entraps you with those big, bright. and beautiful blue eyes. My favorite thing about DJ is and will always be (even if he is 16 and fights me on this one...) his massive cuddly hugs.

This little boy has so much to offer the world....Okay, I could go on for hours talking about the amazingness that is this Kid, but I shall stick to the point of my blog for today.

I was thinking today of how I would feel WHEN, not IF, DJ has to leave and go live somewhere else....This waiting game has been tough and slowly I have been preparing my heart to watch him leave so that the disappointment isn't so deep....but, what I was thinking about DJ leaving was this-will I be okay? Will HE be okay?

Then God started showing me something pretty amazing. In the last 3ish weeks, I have felt like my world has been crumbling down on top of me and I have not relied on Him like I need(ed) to. In my selfishness and pride AND in the middle of my BROKENESS, He gently showed me that the last 6 months I have been able to see the heart of God through DJ. Literally. I walk into the room, DJ giggles and his face lights up as he bounces on his chubby little legs waiting for me to pick him up-JUST LIKE God lights up and dances for joy as He waits for me to come running to Him and return His excitement with a smile and laughter.

The times I need to sit and spoon feed DJ, are the bonding moments we have as he ends up feeding me. DJ loves to be in my space as God loves to be in my space. When I am driving DJ to and from Daycare, we talk (well, he makes noises as I talk) and we sing. DJ loves singing to the songs on the radio. In these times I feel Gods peace and feel like I have the heart of a child again.

DJ and I love to cuddle together and Daddy in Heaven loves me to just crawl on His lap as He strokes my hair and tells me how much He loves me.

Granted, God isn't dependent on me for His survival, but the relationship principal is still existent as it is with DJ. How cool is it that when we do not see God around us in the present and we start to complain or get discouraged, He smiles down at us and turns us around so we can look at what He has done for us in our journey. DJ brings life to my eyes, a meaning to giggle, an opportunity to serve, an ability to bond, and a longing to love.

It is so cool to think that with how much I love DJ, and seek every opportunity to allow him to pour his infectious joyful self onto me, GOD LOVES ME even more and He looks forward to the times I allow myself to be poured into by Him. Oh!! God is soooo awesome. :)

I CAN'T WAIT TO BE A MOMMY...in a few years...and marriage....okay, okay, I CAN wait, BUT I am really looking forward to it.

So, while this isn't a deep spiritual post, it is something to think about...YOU are a child of the Living God, not a nephew or a niece, but an actual heir to the Kingdom of GOD! Don't run from His love.

Much love,

Stevie Rae

Too Lonely to be Alone

How many times do you sense or feel like you are walking alone? How many thoughts travel through the senses in your brain that tell you how isolated you are from others around you (even if you are in a room with a dozen people)? Life is not meant to be lived alone, yet our circumstances and emotions tell us we are constantly alone.

Its this game that is played between our heads and our hearts in regards to pure emotion and reality. Our dilemma is choosing which side to be on. The fact is, the more we take the focus of Truth and put it on ourselves, our circumstances, and people around us, the more miserable we become. THAT is when our heart intermingles with emotion and declares check mate.

How can we straggle on daily while feeling like a pair of eyes are constantly watching us, or a shadowing presence that lurks around every corner is about to catch up with us, and not take time to think that there could be 'More Out There'.

I emphasize this in quotations because (and here is the shocker....) we are NOT alone. Ever. Whether the enemy or The Best Friend, we always have someone watching our backs. I think the problem with ourselves and our society, is that we become so distracted with temporary euphoria's of money, sex, success, drugs, food addictions, alcohol, and whatever else we can temporarily place our hands on, that we lose sight of what is deep down in us. The quietness that tells us to Be Still And Know; the eagle that says we can Rise And Not Fall...In recognition of this dilemma, why do we not take the time to stop and act on the silence screaming our names?

Humans are so encompassed in fear. and fear, if manifested, gives birth to death. This death can be emotional death, mental, relational, psychological, spiritual, and even physical death. When motivated by fear, people do everything to avoid dealing with the fear itself. The scapegoat of comfortability sounds safe and protective in a world screaming for challenge...There is SO much that is wrong with this kind of logic.

When we cannot pick ourselves up and walk in success (NOT defined by OUR standards), we are being carried. Problem with letting go of our fear and allowing ourselves to walk as individuals and stop stumbling as infants, is our disbelief.

Walking alone is not bad. Walking lonely is bad. When we are alone, we are never alone. We always have a Protector, a Comforter, a Healer, a Confidant with us when we are alone. our focus of alone-ness is not directed into ourselves, but outwardly and upwardly. When we are lonely, we are focusing on what we are missing and what is wrong with our situations. We take the ability to lean onto the invisible, yet present force, of Safety, Security, Help, and Love to carry us and place ourselves in front of the equation thinking we can handle it.

We have to learn to not let our hearts (which is deceitful above ALL things...who can understand it?) and our emotions, and not trap us in the corner of life with a stamp of defeat. We have periods of times (sometimes more than desirable) where we are alone. We need that assurance that we don't have to fight through life's trials blinded. We also have periods of times when we stumble and become lonely.

Where is our focus going to be directed in any moment of weakness?

Change your perspective, and I guarantee your attitude with change also.

Much Love,

Stevie Rae